10 Things Every Climber Can Agree On

In no way do the thoughts or ideas expressed in this article reflect the opinions of Moja Gear. We do, however, support a platform for freedom of expression and open discussion within the climbing community.

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Climbers can find a plethora of topics to disagree on with one another—

whether it’s over the level of sandbaggage on a climb, the degree of choss at a crag, optimal training tactics, the rubber that reins supreme (obviously C4 Stealth …. ), and so on. Nevertheless, despite the many factors up for dispute within our community, there a few things I think we can all agree on …

 

1. Free food is good food, always.

Let’s be honest: if we can save a few bucks on meals that could instead go towards purchasing new climbing gear or gas for a climbing trip, we’ll happily eat the abandoned package of granola bars we found on the side of the road for dinner … and for 3 weeks straight. We’re also the kind of people who have every upcoming free burrito deal from Chipotle stored in our calendars.

 

2. Hiking can be awesome … but climbing is better.

Hiking is better than climbing

… said no one ever. Sure—we all enjoy strolling through the wilderness and embracing the breathtaking views of nature that surround us. But you know what we enjoy more? Climbing the cliffs that offer us even more spectacular views and unprecedented fun.

Hiking is kind of like having to shovel snow off your driveway before you can go out and play in it … It’s somewhat enjoyable until you realize what you could be doing instead ( … climbing). At the end of the day, it’s hard not to prefer the 3-minute approach to the 3-hour one.

 

3. A day without coffee or tea might as well not be a day.

Hot beverages in the morning essentially serve as a prerequisite for breathing. How else are we supposed to turn on our try hard if we haven’t had a healthy dose of caffeine yet?

Now I’m not suggesting that we all all rip our shirts off, throw on beanies, and crush Red Bulls at the closest bouldering gym, but there’s little else that gets the day (and your bowels) moving like a hot mug of joe. And thankfully for us, things like the Jetboil and Aeropress have been invented, which have seriously stepped up the game in quality, convenience, and time that it takes to satisfy our ravenous coffee-drinking desires.

Related: Introducing Moja Beer …

 

4. Bomber nut beats bomber cam beats shitty cam beats shitty nut.

Nut placements are great … unless they’re not. Need I say more?

An example of (many) not-so-bomber gear placements:

 

5. Offwidth climbers are totally f&#!ing crazy … and crazy f&#!ing awesome!

Do you like jamming your body into terribly straining, insecure, and terrifying positions? No?! Weird! Neither do any other sane people on this planet. But holy shit, the climbers with a serious(ly badass) penchant for this masochistic style deserve some credit for coping (and enjoying?) this painful type of climbing.

Must I remind us all of Pamela Shanti Pack —an “offwidth outlaw” who’s fractured both ankles, torn intercostal and abdominal muscles, dislocated ribs, torn her rotator cuff, knocked out her front teeth, ruptured a kidney, and just recently overcame a debilitating back injury—all for the love of offwidths? She also recently established the FA of American Horror Story; a 4-pitch, 5.13 offwidth … What the hell does a 5.13 offwidth even mean?!

A level of badassery and craze that few of us will ever attain:

Related: Burl Fest—Cedar Wright Wrestles the Ridiculous Offwidth ‘Squat’

 

6. Dean Potter is forever a legend.

Do you wake up and run the Half Dome loop in record breaking time? Solo highlines on a whim? How about casually go B.A.S.E. jumping with your dog strapped to your back? Yeah … me neither. But hey, it’s pretty damn incredible that someone out there had the passion to go after it; and I’m fine if that someone is not me.

 

7. Stick clips are for gumbies …

Unless it’s totally scary runout bullshit. In that case,

Can you pass the stick my way, bro?

… Not tryna die getting to the first bolt on a 5.9 that’s 40-feet off the deck. Do you prefer your ankles attached to your body after a day at the crag? Yeah, I do too.

This is why you stick clip:

 

Related: Solo BASE | Merging free-soloing and BASE Jumping

 

8. We secretly pride ourselves on callouses, gobis, and flappers

Deep down—despite the pain and inconvenience of dealing with gnarly skin—earning a good ole’ flapper inspires a moment of pride within us that somehow makes it all worth it. Does staring down at our bloody, gobi-infested ankles feel good? Do we actually want to have to deal with lathering our wrecked tips in salve to heal them? Do we gain some kind of strange enjoyment from shaking hands with strangers who notice the frightening size of our callouses? For some reason, the answer is yes.

 

9. Multi-pitch anchor high fives are the best kind of high fives.

There are few ways better to share in the experience of climbing than from hundreds of feet off the deck with your partner. Multi-pitching (or the better term, multi-bitching) inherently gives you the opportunity and responsibility to trust and get to know your partner on a whole new level. Thus, if you find yourself high-five-ing at the end of it all, you know that you’ve got a partner worth keeping around.

That high five that you finally earn at the anchors—after you’ve secured yourself into two points, of course—trumps all of the high fives you’ve ever encountered on the ground. It embodies the glory of an epic, long, committing, and magical day on rock. Top things off with a shameless summit selfie, and you’ve got yourself an unforgettable experience.

 

 

10. Climbing is on our mind more than we’d like to admit.

Sure, you might wake up thinking about breakfast, the work you have ahead of you for the day, or that person you need call—but like it or not, before even an hour creeps by, the siren song of pulling down on rocks begins to chant your name. Before you know it, you’re itching to find a half-decent climbing video that can feed your craving until the holds at the gym can. And if you could, you’d talk about the details of every move on your personal project with anyone who would willingly listen.

Unfortunately, unless you’re dirtbagging or work at a climbing gym, chances are most people around you throughout the day are not climbers, and could give two shits about that “mountaineering” thing you do or Sharma’s latest send. But don’t you worry, salvation exists: the rest of us can be found at your nearest gym, crag, or free burrito giveaway, psyched and ready to listen.

 

Oh … and this:

Beer + Burritos = good things.

 

Now to you

Do you agree? Disagree? Agree to disagree? Tell us in the comments below.

 

Related: The 5 Best Friends to Have at the Crag